Rapport: Simple steps to building connections with ANYONE.

The following is an article from my free seduction manual, “Tier One: A Quick and Easy Guide to Getting Laid.”

Rapport:

Rapport is defined as a harmonious or sympathetic relationship between two or more people. It’s a feeling of being on the same page as someone, where the communication is smooth and there’s a feeling of friendship, even if you aren’t “friends.” We all know what it feels like to be in rapport with someone, however most of us have not intellectualized it or put it into words. Because when you are in rapport with someone, you may not even notice being in rapport; it just feels natural, like breathing.

However, we all know what it feels like to be out of rapport with someone. For me, if I’m not in rapport with someone it just feels overall uncomfortable. The words I’m saying don’t seem to hit, which causes everything to feel forced. We also know what it feels like to meet someone we haven’t seen in a long time, and it took some “getting used to” to get back in rapport with each other.

Rapport is something that tends to happen naturally. If there was a hypothetical situation where you were thrust into a room with a total stranger and had to have a conversation for an hour, it’s very likely you will enter some type of rapport.

Regardless, it doesn’t hurt to know some tips and tricks to help this natural process along. If you’ve been involved in self-development or self-help (depending if you’re a half-full or half-empty kind of person) you’ve probably seen these tricks before, they aren’t anything new, but I am printing them here because they’ve consistently worked for me.

All these techniques are built off observing what people who are in rapport tend to do. It’s likely you already do these without thinking about them.

The simplest rapport methods are built on having things in common, both in terms of tastes, thoughts and ideas, but also factors like age, social status, occupation, and even little things like vocabulary. If you’re a white male in your twenties that plays online games, and you meet another white male in their twenties that plays online games, there’s a good chance you would find it easy to get in rapport with them.

The easiest way to get rapport with someone is to say “Me too.” Sometimes you’ll see two people meet, and they find out they went to the same high school or grew up in the same town, and suddenly, as if a light switch is flipped on, they’re on the same page and their communication is smooth and easy. Even abstract similarities can work towards rapport. A couple weeks before writing this book, I struck up a conversation with a girl that had an anime shirt on. I hadn’t seen that particular anime myself, and so I opened with “Hey, I just happened to notice your shirt, my friends are obsessed with that series.” After that, we got into rapport very easily, and she is someone I keep in contact with to this very day.

Shared experiences are one of the easiest ways to form bonds with people. People that take classes together, or frequent the same places, will tend to have a rapport, even if they don’t know each other’s names or haven’t spoken before. This is one reason why playing video games, or sports, or any activity is a good way to bring people together. I’ve seen lasting friendships forged over games of monopoly and clue (cluedo, for our European readers).

This is easy to implement. If you meet a girl and she’s wearing a sweater with the name of the University you went to on it, isn’t your first thought to say that you went there?

The “me too” principle works on subtler levels of communication as well. A common rapport trick is called “mirroring,” where you copy someone’s body language, vocal tonality, or word use. This is fairly simple and easy to implement. The other week I met a girl that smiled and scratched her cheek when she laughed. So the next time I laughed, I scratched my cheek as well. If she’s sitting, sitting next to her may help you get in rapport.

As I mentioned earlier, you can have rapport through vocabulary as well. The trick is to use the exact same words as they do. I find this works best with “emotional” or emphasized words, let’s say you ask her about a book she’s reading and she says “This book is fucking awesome.” The words you want to mirror would be “fucking awesome.” A simple way to use their words back to them is just to repeat it. If she says the book is fucking awesome, you can say “It’s fucking awesome?” right back, like you want her to elaborate.

This “me too” style of rapport works in every level of the interaction. It can be a powerful opening device, as well as a powerful closing device. Just for example, let’s say she mentions she likes some Japanese food restaurant which just happens to be in a close proximity to your house, all you would need to do at that point is say something along the lines of “I love it there, have you had the shrimp yet? What’s your schedule like this week, we can go try out the shrimp.” Simple and effective.

Outside of the “me too” principle there is an interesting breathing technique you can use for rapport that I’ve learned from listening to an interview with CIA interrogator Joe Navarro. The trick is simply to breathe deep. Research shows that if the person you’re talking too is breathing deep, relaxed breaths, your own body will become more relaxed. A wonderful extension of this technique is to wait for whoever is talking to finish, and then to take a deep breath before responding. This not only helps them calm down and relax, but it also shows that you’re listening to them. There are cultural variations to this last trick, adjust accordingly .

There is also a “we” principle, where simply saying the word “we” instead of “you” or “me” implies a rapport and connection. Maybe instead of saying “You went to the same school I did,” you could say “We went to the same school.”

Keep in mind that rapport is not difficult to obtain. You could do none of these techniques intentionally and still obtain rapport with people. However, when you’re meeting someone new that you have yet to get rapport with, it helps to be good at least one of these techniques to make obtaining rapport easier. Do not waste mental energy wondering if you’re doing the rapport tricks correctly or if they’re working. A common rapport pitfall is doing too much matching to the point where people know you’re trying to win them over.

Also keep in mind that, even though you are mirroring her, you are the man in the conversation and you are by nature going to be leading the interaction, and as this is a book about seduction you are leading the conversation to the bedroom. Once there’s a rapport, a sexual tone which we’ll be talking about later, and you decide you’re ready to fuck, it’s time to move her back to your place. Rapport is a required component for the end game, but it is not the end game.

Conversation Threading: The Secret of Never-Ending Personal Communication.

This was an article I had written on Reddit a year or so ago, it had gotten rave reviews and loads of positive feedback, and discusses a skill that I feel is crucial for anyone interested in seduction, or anyone that just wants to have more interesting, personal conversations. As such, I’ve reprinted it here, and in the Tier One book, for your enjoyment!

Conversation Threading is essentially the ability to make a free-flowing conversation. If someone gives you a thread like “I went to Paris last summer for University,” you have many, many directions you could thread the conversation. You could ask if they liked Paris, which school they went to, what they study, or you could shift the focus of the conversation, you could respond with “Really? I went to Paris last year,” or “I like to travel, as well” [Which is a great way to build rapport through shared experiences!]

Even if she’s giving you tiny bits of information, you can still thread the conversation. “I’m going to class,” obviously you can ask her about, you could shift the focus again [Me too, I’m taking (subject), isn’t it fascinating how…], or you could drop a cold read. Be creative, and mix the expected with the unexpected.

Now, let’s go deeper.

You can combine the technique I just gave you with other techniques. In particular, you can go from cold communication [logical factoids, I’m a lawyer, gas is too expensive] to warm communication [Feelings, emotions. Things “from us” rather than about us]

What if she tells you she is an emergency room nurse? Well, you could continue logically probing about it, or you could discuss emotions. What emotions are involved in nursing? “You must fee lamazing knowing that what you’re doing is helping people,” is an example that comes to mind, I’m trusting you to come up with your own.

It is my personal opinion to avoid “negative” emotions, obviously you aren’t going to talk about patients dying in her arms, but I also try to avoid stress, panic, and the like. Sometimes I see people, who mean well, ask people “Wow that must be so busy,” or “You must feel really stressed,” and the person they’re talking to sigh, slouch and begin to talk about all the hardships of their work. These are not emotions I want associated with our initial conversations.

Wide Rapport

So now you’re having an interesting conversation that’s enticing the emotions. Here’s some advice: Talk about a wide range of topics. At first glance, one might think it’s better to talk about one subject, and be in total agreement for an hour, than to talk about a wide range of topics, but actually a “wide rapport” will help you. Thread into multiple directions, talk about multiple topics, and you both will feel like you’ve connected on multiple levels.

How to Master Conversation Threading

Here’s some homework, it involves making “mind maps” (also called spider diagrams, trees, or
whatever the fuck you want). Pick something girls say that you hear often, if you meet a lot of girls that are Psychologists, write “Psychologist” in the center of a paper, and circle it.

Then branch it out. Draw a line to smaller circle, label it emotions. What emotions do Psychologists have in their work? “Isn’t it amazing how sometimes, you feel such an amazing connection with the people you see?”

What emotional qualities must a psychologist have?

From the center circle labled Psychologist, branch out into other directions. Make a bubble that says “Values,” what character traits must Pscyhologists have? What values do they have? [You must consider yourself a very caring person, correct?]
Of course, you can draw branches for the other aspects of their job. You can write a bubble that says “College Education” and branch off from there. You can draw a bubble that says “Job description” and branch off from there.

This will help you connect with women, instead of a tepid “I’m a psychologist,” “Oh do you like your work?” you could make it more interesting, and branch it out into many different directions.

Don’t forget, there is no wrong response. If you say something like “You’re a psychologist? They say to be a psychologist you must deeply care for people.” and she says “Oh, yeah but I don’t really interact with the patients I just do the record keeping,” work with whatever response she gives you. Everything she says is something you can thread with!”

This article, and many others, are included in my absolutely free, no bullshit book, “Tier One: A Quick and Easy Guide to Getting Laid.” which you can download at http://dropcanvas.com/wlgvw

An Introduction to TIER ONE.

This is the official blog for “Tier One,” a completely free seduction manual that’s been taking the seduction community by storm.

My name is Duke Alan, and I wrote this guide after being a member of the online “pick-up” community for several years. In that time I’ve learned just about every dating technique possible, and I’ve read everything from mainstream dating books, to underground “lay guides” that have been circulating through Internet newsgroups. What’s even crazier  is I’ve not only read about these techniques, but I’ve gone out and applied them in person, with over a hundred different women.

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