The following is an article from my free seduction manual, “Tier One: A Quick and Easy Guide to Getting Laid.”
Rapport is defined as a harmonious or sympathetic relationship between two or more people. It’s a feeling of being on the same page as someone, where the communication is smooth and there’s a feeling of friendship, even if you aren’t “friends.” We all know what it feels like to be in rapport with someone, however most of us have not intellectualized it or put it into words. Because when you are in rapport with someone, you may not even notice being in rapport; it just feels natural, like breathing.
However, we all know what it feels like to be out of rapport with someone. For me, if I’m not in rapport with someone it just feels overall uncomfortable. The words I’m saying don’t seem to hit, which causes everything to feel forced. We also know what it feels like to meet someone we haven’t seen in a long time, and it took some “getting used to” to get back in rapport with each other.
Rapport is something that tends to happen naturally. If there was a hypothetical situation where you were thrust into a room with a total stranger and had to have a conversation for an hour, it’s very likely you will enter some type of rapport.
Regardless, it doesn’t hurt to know some tips and tricks to help this natural process along. If you’ve been involved in self-development or self-help (depending if you’re a half-full or half-empty kind of person) you’ve probably seen these tricks before, they aren’t anything new, but I am printing them here because they’ve consistently worked for me.
All these techniques are built off observing what people who are in rapport tend to do. It’s likely you already do these without thinking about them.
The simplest rapport methods are built on having things in common, both in terms of tastes, thoughts and ideas, but also factors like age, social status, occupation, and even little things like vocabulary. If you’re a white male in your twenties that plays online games, and you meet another white male in their twenties that plays online games, there’s a good chance you would find it easy to get in rapport with them.
The easiest way to get rapport with someone is to say “Me too.” Sometimes you’ll see two people meet, and they find out they went to the same high school or grew up in the same town, and suddenly, as if a light switch is flipped on, they’re on the same page and their communication is smooth and easy. Even abstract similarities can work towards rapport. A couple weeks before writing this book, I struck up a conversation with a girl that had an anime shirt on. I hadn’t seen that particular anime myself, and so I opened with “Hey, I just happened to notice your shirt, my friends are obsessed with that series.” After that, we got into rapport very easily, and she is someone I keep in contact with to this very day.
Shared experiences are one of the easiest ways to form bonds with people. People that take classes together, or frequent the same places, will tend to have a rapport, even if they don’t know each other’s names or haven’t spoken before. This is one reason why playing video games, or sports, or any activity is a good way to bring people together. I’ve seen lasting friendships forged over games of monopoly and clue (cluedo, for our European readers).
This is easy to implement. If you meet a girl and she’s wearing a sweater with the name of the University you went to on it, isn’t your first thought to say that you went there?
The “me too” principle works on subtler levels of communication as well. A common rapport trick is called “mirroring,” where you copy someone’s body language, vocal tonality, or word use. This is fairly simple and easy to implement. The other week I met a girl that smiled and scratched her cheek when she laughed. So the next time I laughed, I scratched my cheek as well. If she’s sitting, sitting next to her may help you get in rapport.
As I mentioned earlier, you can have rapport through vocabulary as well. The trick is to use the exact same words as they do. I find this works best with “emotional” or emphasized words, let’s say you ask her about a book she’s reading and she says “This book is fucking awesome.” The words you want to mirror would be “fucking awesome.” A simple way to use their words back to them is just to repeat it. If she says the book is fucking awesome, you can say “It’s fucking awesome?” right back, like you want her to elaborate.
This “me too” style of rapport works in every level of the interaction. It can be a powerful opening device, as well as a powerful closing device. Just for example, let’s say she mentions she likes some Japanese food restaurant which just happens to be in a close proximity to your house, all you would need to do at that point is say something along the lines of “I love it there, have you had the shrimp yet? What’s your schedule like this week, we can go try out the shrimp.” Simple and effective.
Outside of the “me too” principle there is an interesting breathing technique you can use for rapport that I’ve learned from listening to an interview with CIA interrogator Joe Navarro. The trick is simply to breathe deep. Research shows that if the person you’re talking too is breathing deep, relaxed breaths, your own body will become more relaxed. A wonderful extension of this technique is to wait for whoever is talking to finish, and then to take a deep breath before responding. This not only helps them calm down and relax, but it also shows that you’re listening to them. There are cultural variations to this last trick, adjust accordingly .
There is also a “we” principle, where simply saying the word “we” instead of “you” or “me” implies a rapport and connection. Maybe instead of saying “You went to the same school I did,” you could say “We went to the same school.”
Keep in mind that rapport is not difficult to obtain. You could do none of these techniques intentionally and still obtain rapport with people. However, when you’re meeting someone new that you have yet to get rapport with, it helps to be good at least one of these techniques to make obtaining rapport easier. Do not waste mental energy wondering if you’re doing the rapport tricks correctly or if they’re working. A common rapport pitfall is doing too much matching to the point where people know you’re trying to win them over.
Also keep in mind that, even though you are mirroring her, you are the man in the conversation and you are by nature going to be leading the interaction, and as this is a book about seduction you are leading the conversation to the bedroom. Once there’s a rapport, a sexual tone which we’ll be talking about later, and you decide you’re ready to fuck, it’s time to move her back to your place. Rapport is a required component for the end game, but it is not the end game.